For some who actually follow my blog would have taken notice that my blog was deleted a while ago but now its back. I deleted it because I didn't think that I'd have the time to update it once university starts. But anyways, here it is again, I'm trying to clean the cobwebs that the spiders have made here.
I'm not a person who is good with words when I speak and I think I express myself more freely when I'm in front of a computer typing away. For the past few months, I've been doing part time work at a relative's office. I've been thrust into the world of adults, mixing with people who are older than me and sure they have more experience in life. I learnt that it really isn't fair in life. A teacher of mine always told us, "Who said God was fair?" She's right, it isn't. People will not give you any credit even if you are actually helping them out without expecting anything in return but they will blame you for the slightest things even if you weren't at fault. Yes, I got that kind of thing thrown into my face. It's alright at the beginning or if it's the first time someone close did that or if you're being considerate thinking that the person was just really busy and frustrated and also easily agitated. I could've brush it off but I'm not one to do so. If you know me better, I hold grudges. But I also tend to forget about them quite easily so all's well.
Moving on, I've been thinking a lot lately. Bout my relationships with other people, bout university, bout things that a normal 19 year old would ponder about. And I've also been evading people and problems. Difficult people = problems. I found out early this year that someone actually had a crush on me. A friend who was supposed to be close but we kind of drifted apart due to some problems. I just didn't like the way the person kept clinging on me. I have to admit I wasn't that much of a good person either though. I sure didn't enjoy it when the person kept on messaging me with a somewhat interrogative and demanding tone. I don't feel good when I hurt this person either but I don't know a better way to show that I'm really not interested and that all I want is just to be friends. You can't force a person to like you and expect them to treat you like how you treat them. And so, being the coward, I chose to retreat in the comfort of my own cocoon. I can't take it if the person was just trying to be friends too and I took it the wrong way. If time could be turned backwards, I would have been more harsh in my actions and then maybe the person who've understood better. Maybe if I was more stern and not such a soft hearted person then I wouldn't have gotten waist deep in this but let's be realistic though, shall we? What is done is done.Nothing I can do to 'unhurt' this person's feelings and I'm sorry if I actually took it the wrong way. And I haven't really gotten over something this person did to me a while ago too. A few years back. The problem that drifted us apart. It all started from an innocent and harmless gesture that caused such huge problems. I almost lost myself because of that. I didn't want what happened to me when I was 11 to happen to me again when I was 16. It hurts to be betrayed by people you trust and people you love. Especially those you had to face every single day in school. Your so-called buddies. Just let time heal the wounds formed. Wrapping the wound up too hard will only cause it to bleed again. And waiting for the blood to clot and for the wound to start healing again takes up even more time and patience.
I also realise I'm a fool when it comes to analysing what people tell me. I actually believe what other people say. I try to think of the pros and cons of a situation but trust had me fooled. Ever had a feeling a person apologised to you just to get into the public's good books? Meaning they didn't actually apologise out of guilt but just to make themselves look good. I suppose I'm just saying all this because my heart is closed and I am very skeptical. I'm ever so grateful to have people who are willing to stick by me through thick and thin.
Ending on a lighter note, I'm going to do biomedical science. And the university is not in Wilayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur or Selangor but I'm not telling where is it for now. I might post up pictures of the place in my future posts though so for those who don't know where I'm studying at, all you have to do is just click the follow button at the top of this page, on your top left hand corner to be exact. This is like I'm promoting my blog or something. *laughs* I've been ti the place and even booked a room in a really nice house opposite a lake. And there is even a park opposite the house. The view is really pretty. And security is pretty good too. They use smart cards for the front doors of the house. The world we live in is such a high tech place right now.
Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
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