Forward

Suddenly I have something to write about. Looking forward, taking charge. I'd say looking forward is the best thing anyone can do. It sure doesn't hurt to look back at things we've accomplished so far, things we've done, people we've met, people we hurt and let out of our lives. All this sure makes one think about the value of life itself. I sound like I've been through a lot and really old but I don't think I'm the only one who thinks this way.

To me, looking forward is about making a choice. There aren't any wrong or right choices in life. Once you figure out what you wanna do with your life then just go in that direction. Don't hesitate or procrastinate any longer. It's the same as having a once in a life time chance pass by you and you're busy figuring the pros and cons instead of just reaching out and grabbing that chance and you pretty much know that you will regret it if you just let it pass you by just like that. At least if you fail, you at least tried.

Speaking from experience. I joined the Biomedical Course at UTAR last May. After 3 months, I realized that it's not what I want in life. Sure it's cool to do science but on my on terms, I've come to a conclusion whereby I don't wanna sit in a lab with a lab coat and goggles and carrying out experiments. Nope. I'd rather be out and about in the world outside. And so, I quit the course. Yes. After deciding on something, I just go and do it straight when I'm very sure with what I want. Lesson learnt during the past 3 months, don't ever make rash decisions.  

Chili BURN!

Cut up some chilies just now. And after 20 mins my fingers start burning. Now it's a bit more bearable the pain. Crap. Note to self : Be more careful when cutting up chilies next time.

Day 2 After Submitting The Withdrawal Letter

It's the second day since I've submitted the withdrawal letter from Utar, Kampar. My floor mates have all gone back to KL today. I have one more floor mate who occupies the room next to mine but I rarely talk to her so it doesn't make a huge difference for me. Anyhow, it's kind of quiet and very cooling now. The rain started at 2pm and stopped and now it's raining again. Perfect weather to sleep in ^.^ but I rarely do naps. Sighs. Being alone sucks big time. Got no one to talk to unless if I go on MSN.

It's quite confirmed that I'll be enrolling in the marketing course provided by KBU International College. My mum says why do I choose to go to a college rather than a university. Well, those weren't her exact words. She just sent me a message stating : got u dun want want college. Honestly, I used to the think that the word : UNIVERSITY seemed to be a fancy word and all but in the end it's down to the quality of the certificated being awarded by the body itself. We can obtain degrees from both college and university. There isn't much difference anyways. It's just the name that's different. I'd rather go to a college that has been around longer rather than a university that has just started running not too long ago. That's just a thought. I'm not saying that KBU has been around longer compared to UTAR. Google them up. It's a rather personal thing.

Another day in Kampar

I went to the Admissions Office today to ask about my official withdrawal letter. Anyways, the lady there looked kinda lifeless to me. What a little fasting can do to people. I'm not going to talk about fasting. I know nothing about fasting besides the fact that it makes one go hungry and possibly developing gastritis. I for one do have gastritis. Due to not eating on time. Ok, why do I always have to deviate from one topic to another? Oh well, back to the story. 

I went there around 1.40pm, when the sun was high up in the sky by bike. Can you possibly imagine that? Terrible. Thing is, I didn't break into a sweating frenzy when I was cycling. I started perspiring when I was resting. Oh gawd. So after that I went to see the lady with a friend of mine. The lady said it would normally take 1 week to process everything. What a let down. ONE WEEK. What am I going to do for the time being I wonder since I no longer am going to attend the classes.  

Facebook is no longer fun and my mailbox is almost always empty besides being filled with notifications from fb. I have got to pick up a new hobby. I have got no books here to read anymore, which is a very sad fact. On the bright side though, I'll be back in KL in more or less a week's time. Hopefully, I'll be back next sunday =)

The Beginning of A New Chapter in Life (AGAIN)

Currently doing Biomedical Science at UTAR. But I'll soon be withdrawing from the university and moving back to KL to pursue a degree in marketing. Why the sudden change? I don't want to do science anymore. I used to think that it was fun and when something is fun, we tend to be able to cope with it more. Classes and lectures are just that but when it comes to tests and exams, that's when I realize I actually don't get what was happening even though I studied. I've been giving it some thought over the month now. Doing science is cool and all but it's not for everybody. My aunt even suggested that I do journalism since I like to write. The only thing I feel bad about now is that it took me such a long long time to finally make the right decision. Eight months to be exact. Eight months, that's more than half a year.

Now, since I have a second chance to choose what I REALLY want to do and what is SUITABLE for me, I should obviously appreciate it. My mum asked if I still felt like a kid, i told her yes. due to being so fickle minded. She also said to think carefully, this is my life and she can't be with me forever. I know how much she cares and loves me but sometimes she doesn't seem to express her feelings the right way. I know deep down how much she cares. I told her I will make the right choice this time around and I won;t regret it. Picking science was obviously the wrong choice for me.

Things to do before leaving Kampar:

1. Go to the finance office and ask for the refund

2. Return the book I borrowed from the library

3. Submit the withdrawal letter

4. Submit the letter for refund of caution money

By the way, I previously deleted my blogs but after deleting them, I felt like there was nowhere for me to channel my thoughts.

Orientation

Orientation...

It was ok. I had to walk for about half an hour though to the hall. I made a friend along the way :) She's in the arts stream I think. And she stays 2 rows behind my place. Quite near. Now I have someone to go eat with me. Yay for me. Lol.

Orientation started at 8am. We reached at around 7.55am and these Utar people are very punctual. No Malaysian timing. I went in, showed them my student bill and I/C and then collected my goodies. All done by 8.30am, considering I had to queue for a bit, I think they are fast.

Til here, I'm so glad I made a friend today. Haha. Oh, and she's from Johore.

An Interesting Beginning?

I wanted to abandon my blog due to the lack of inspiration. Really, my imagination sucks big time. I don't really like to blog bout everyday stuff because I think that kind of gives away my privacy. Why am I blogging now then? Since I don't like revealing stuff. That is because I'm really bored ad I'm starting to feel a lil a faint already. 

Imagine being locked up in a whole house that has, say 10 rooms. Imagine yourself being alone in a house like that. The house isn't all that huge, it's just that the rooms are small. Well, I'm not being locked up in the house, it's more of a choice really. I have the house keys but I just don't feel like going out. Actually, I did try to go out just now. At 1 something. To get lunch and possibly dinner. But I came back half way. I went the long way and I was starting to sweat already so I decided to turn back. 

How did I end up in such a place? That's cause I'm going to be studying in the university across the lake in front of my house. The weather is totally unpredictable. It can be freaking hot in the afternoon til round 5 pm. Now at 6.30pm, the weather looks nice. Yesterday the sky was really sunny and hot of course, but it rained at night. It started off with a 30 second drizzle and I thought that was the end of it. Lol. I was wrong. after 15 mins, the real thing came. It poured for a bit and stopped and came again. I have been here since Thursday. Almost on the verge of going nuts when I heard voices this morning. I thought there were people moving in. But those were just P1 Max people fixing the modem. I survived 2 whole days without internet. Oh, and then after a while, I forgot what time, a girl moved in :) Hallelujah. I was happy but being an introvert, I didn't dare to go and say high. I saw her mum and her mum say me, she said hello and smiled and went back into my room.

First night here was utterly terrible. Really. I woke up every 2 hours or so. It was that hot. And my windows were opened. I miss my house back in KL. Look on the bright side, my aunt says. And what did my mum said? 3 years only ma, everybody also like that one, very fast past one la. My goodness. I'm not even here for half a week and I'm already thinking of my home sweet home. At least I have internet now. I wonder how long I can last without internet. *Shakes head* My mum went home on my second day here. I think I was getting schizophrenic. I started to hear sounds yesterday. I thought someone turned the doorknob next door. And when I checked, no one. See facing four walls alone can do to your mind? Luckily, there's a TV outside. I watched American Idol at night yesterday. What else? I also got a bike yesterday. I'm still not used to it yet. I need to bike more if I don't want to end up in a drain somewhere or the lake. Haha. But I'm too lonely. I don't wanna say lazy. If there is someone to bike with me I don't care what time is it or where we're going. I just want company. 

Fingers crossed, hope I get to make friends with the girl that just moved in.  

Oh God,

I'm so bored now. I need something to do! My brother is right, I can't be idle, I can't just sit in one place and do nothing. *Sighs*

Going to work everyday for the past few months have taught me a lot. Many lessons learnt. Here goes the list of some things I gained during the past few months :

1. When you start something always finish it - Responsibility

2. Prioritize

3. Multi task (very important skill)

4. Don't treat others the same no matter how bad they treat you - Patience

That's all I can come up with now. Blogging in my brother's room. He's playing some kind of shooting / war game. I can't think straight. You may be wondering why I'm blogging here but not in my room. Guess what, lightning struck the internet chip in his computer and therefore no wireless for me, or so I've been told. I don't know, I'm not a computer whiz. So now the cable's connected to my laptop instead. 

Anyways, a weight has been lifted of my shoulders. Maybe weights. Hmms. We'll see about that. Going to work is fun if you are doing what you enjoy but if you don't then it kind of becomes some sort of chore. 

I'm going to end here for now. I really can't seem to think straight. I have things I wanna write about but I can't get 'em out of my head now. Haha. 

Free As A Bird

                                                                        I crave freedom

Read = Knowledge XD

I've nothing much to read about on the net these days. can't wait to go back to my thrillers after i'm done with work. sighs. i need stuff to read. lol

Two Choices

A high school friend sent me an email and I want to share it with the world so here it goes :


What would you do?....you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

' When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?'

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again..

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the

plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first!

Run to first!'

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

B y the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!

Shay, run to third!'

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

It's All In The Mind

For some who actually follow my blog would have taken notice that my blog was deleted a while ago but now its back. I deleted it because I didn't think that I'd have the time to update it once university starts. But anyways, here it is again, I'm trying to clean the cobwebs that the spiders have made here. 

  

I'm not a person who is good with words when I speak and I think I express myself more freely when I'm in front of a computer typing away. For the past few months, I've been doing part time work at a relative's office. I've been thrust into the world of adults, mixing with people who are older than me and sure they have more experience in life. I learnt that it really isn't fair in life. A teacher of mine always told us, "Who said God was fair?" She's right, it isn't. People will not give you any credit even if you are actually helping them out without expecting anything in return but they will blame you for the slightest things even if you weren't at fault. Yes, I got that kind of thing thrown into my face. It's alright at the beginning or if it's the first time someone close did that or if you're being considerate thinking that the person was just really busy and frustrated and also easily agitated. I could've brush it off but I'm not one to do so. If you know me better, I hold grudges. But I also tend to forget about them quite easily so all's well. 

Moving on, I've been thinking a lot lately. Bout my relationships with other people, bout university, bout things that a normal 19 year old would ponder about. And I've also been evading people and problems. Difficult people = problems. I found out early this year that someone actually had a crush on me. A friend who was supposed to be close but we kind of drifted apart due to some problems. I just didn't like the way the person kept clinging on me. I have to admit I wasn't that much of a good person either though. I sure didn't enjoy it when the person kept on messaging me with a somewhat interrogative and demanding tone. I don't feel good when I hurt this person either but I don't know a better way to show that I'm really not interested and that all I want is just to be friends. You can't force a person to like you and expect them to treat you like how you treat them. And so, being the coward, I chose to retreat in the comfort of my own cocoon. I can't take it if the person was just trying to be friends too and I took it the wrong way. If time could be turned backwards, I would have been more harsh in my actions and then maybe the person who've understood better. Maybe if I was more stern and not such a soft hearted person then I wouldn't have gotten waist deep in this but let's be realistic though, shall we? What is done is done.Nothing I can do to 'unhurt' this person's feelings and I'm sorry if I actually took it the wrong way. And I haven't really gotten over something this person did to me a while ago too. A few years back. The problem that drifted us apart. It all started from an innocent and harmless gesture that caused such huge problems. I almost lost myself because of that. I didn't want what happened to me when I was 11 to happen to me again when I was 16. It hurts to be betrayed by people you trust and people you love. Especially those you had to face every single day in school. Your so-called buddies. Just let time heal the wounds formed. Wrapping the wound up too hard will only cause it to bleed again. And waiting for the blood to clot and for the wound to start healing again takes up even more time and patience. 

I also realise I'm a fool when it comes to analysing what people tell me. I actually believe what other people say. I try to think of the pros and cons of a situation but trust had me fooled. Ever had a feeling a person apologised to you just to get into the public's good books? Meaning they didn't actually apologise out of guilt but just to make themselves look good. I suppose I'm just saying all this because my heart is closed and I am very skeptical. I'm ever so grateful to have people who are willing to stick by me through thick and thin. 

Ending on a lighter note, I'm going to do biomedical science. And the university is not in Wilayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur or Selangor but I'm not telling where is it for now. I might post up pictures of the place in my future posts though so for those who don't know where I'm studying at, all you have to do is just click the follow button at the top of this page, on your top left hand corner to be exact. This is like I'm promoting my blog or something. *laughs* I've been ti the place and even booked a room in a really nice house opposite a lake. And there is even a park opposite the house. The view is really pretty. And security is pretty good too. They use smart cards for the front doors of the house. The world we live in is such a high tech place right now. 

Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis

2010, A New Year

It's been a while since my last post so here goes :)

Today was my first day at work. Work was fun because of the people but so tiring because of all the sitting down. I've made up my mind, I do not want to do office work if possible after graduation. I'm still thinking if I should continue giving tuition. Pays well and I guess I should since I get extra pocket money. Trying to make money is definitely not easy. Try asking your parents. Oh, and I've been positive lately and my aunt thinks so too. Haha. Being more positive keeps me happy =D

Moving on, I've been applying to several local universities but I think they process online apps kinda slow :( I have got to call them up one of these days when I'm free and ask. Hopefully I get the course I want. Speaking of courses, I kind of made a new year resolution and you people are not going to buy into what i'm about to say, lol. I'm going to reread my CHEMISTRY notes from today onwards. No, I'm not going nuts. I think it will be helpful when uni starts :)

List of things to do this year:
1. Go out with the gang before they go abroad for studies one by one
2. Study Chemistry :P (My aunt thought I was joking bout this one)
3. Work hard and save up as much as I can :)
4. No more procrastinating
5. Got to go jogging or something (Sunday mornings would be a good time for this or Sat evening)
6. No more saying, "I don't think I can do this/ This is tough, impossible (Saying impossible is bullshit I figured)\
7. Make the most out of the year

Somehow I have a feeling that I'm able to do all the seven :)

Signing off...


I'm off to study chemistry. Piece of cake. LOL.